


sometimes I act like I know / but I'm really just a kid

by maple_63538462



Series: DSMP Oneshots [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Evil Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), No Beta read we die like men, Other, blaze powder flavor, here we go bois, theropay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maple_63538462/pseuds/maple_63538462
Summary: tommy and tubbo talk after the finale.read author's note for trigger warningstitle is from juliet by cavetown.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Floris | Fundy & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Technoblade, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Ranboo/TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: DSMP Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144226
Comments: 9
Kudos: 99
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	sometimes I act like I know / but I'm really just a kid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Icy_is_Weird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icy_is_Weird/gifts), [Toaster_Rat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toaster_Rat/gifts).



> **TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS FIC**
> 
> **Suicidal thoughts/ideation between ""I thought he was my best friend." & "...streaming down his face as he spoke."**
> 
> **Mention of abuse/manipulation between ""Then I can probably assume..."" & ""..and went to Technoblade's house.""**
> 
> **Cursing throughout this entire fic**
> 
> **be safe.**

-{ }-{ }-{ }-

"L'MANBURG, NO!!"

Explosions shake the ground, the air thick with dust and soot. He looks up to the dark sky, not a star to be seen. Black smoke chokes the air and smothers the people, an unfamiliar pressure in the air compounds each second. He struggles to stand under the weight of the world. Skeletal, triple-headed Withers swarm the skies, although every shot from each is nothing compared to the gaping sinkhole in the earth, whose mouth yawns wider and grows deeper in time with his pounding chest.

It's a wretched goodbye, a dissonant final symphony as the ruins crumble around him and threaten to swallow him whole. The conductor of the terrible orchestra is the masked man, his players the two that massacre his friends and destroy their home. He can hear shouts of glee and sobs of despair, mixed with cries of agony and terrible fear. The shouts of his family surround him, he watches them disappear into dust, watches as everything collapses around him.

Tears stream down his face in a never-ending waterfall. Choked cries emitted from the boy as all he could do was watch. He’d sacrificed everything, just for it all to be destroyed in one night.

He meets the Angel of Death's eyes from his place on the ground. Even from here, he can see the cold glint in the Angel's eyes from where the man stands atop the obsidian frame.

Suddenly, he feels the familiar embrace of a sword thrust through his back, right in the center of his torso, almost perfectly through his chest. He feels warm red liquid seep down his body, dripping into a puddle in the muddy grass beneath his feet. He turns to see the Blood God standing behind him, pulling a sword away from him.

The God pushes on his back to retract the sword, and he falls face-first into the dirt without a sound. He finds the strength to turn onto his back and stare up at the sky, or where it would be. He can't move, he's too weak.

And then, there are people surrounding him. He sees vivid pink hair, multi-color glasses, orange fur. He sees a rainbow crown, a pink braid, a green robe. He lies, surrounded by the ones he loved one-sidedly. A shadowed figure leans over his body, he stares up blankly at the white mask that grows closer to his vision. He can see through those beady eyes.

"Tommy.", says the figure. "Tommy. Tommy. _Tommy."_

He can hear a chorus of voices ranging high and deep. He can hear two calling a faint "Theseus". They continue to chant his name, their pitch and intensity growing. The voices grow louder and louder and--

-{ }-{ }-{ }-

Tommy clamped a hand over his mouth to muffle his scream as he jolted up from where he laid. His entire body trembled, and he hugged his knees to his chest in an effort to still his racing heart. His breathing was erratic as he wiped salty tears away and out of his eyes.

His eyes adjusted to his surroundings. He was back in his home in the SMP. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and removed his hand from his face. He clutched his hands to his chest, grasping his shirt with curled fingers.

Tommy looked to his side, where Tubbo laid sleeping. Or where he was sleeping, as the latter boy began to stir. The brunette awoke with a groan and turned to face him.

“Mm… Tommy, are you okay?” Tubbo asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up.

“Oh, sorry, big man, didn’t mean to wake you up.” Tommy replied, hoping that Tubbo wouldn’t notice the tremble in his voice.

Unfortunately for Tommy, Tubbo was pretty keen at picking up on things like that. “…Wanna talk about it? I’m awake now.”

Tommy was silent as he considered the offer for a moment. “…I had a nightmare.”

“About what?” Tubbo scooted over to Tommy and sat close to him.

“I was back in L’manburg, when Dr-those pricks were blowing it up, then the Blade stabbed me in the back and shit. Also, I got screamed at by, like, everyone. And I also died, I think.” Tommy counted on his fingers as he spoke.

Tubbo sucked in a breath. He remembered that night too well. It caused horrible memories and caused other horrible ones to resurface. He wasn’t sure what he could say in response to that. The brunette simply opted to wrap one arm around Tommy and pull him into a half-embrace.

Tommy accepted the gesture without complaint. “It doesn’t sound that bad, but i-it was like I was there, I was back in that damn moment, and everything was falling apart around me. And I could see their faces, and their eyes, I could see everything. Their eyes, Tubbo…”. Tommy’s voice wavered while he spoke.

Tubbo nodded. “It wasn’t really dreams, was it? It was mostly memories, that was.”

“I-yeah, I guess it kinda was, but I could-it was so _real…”_

"Mm." Tubbo searched for something to say to comfort him.

"I had a similar dream, but it was way before the whole.. you know." Tubbo gestured with his hands as he spoke. "The night I exiled you, actually, I couldn't sleep because I was back in the-" he paused to take a breath, "-back when, uh, the Manberg festival, with Schlatt."

Tommy looked at Tubbo, as if prompting him to continue. "You and I, I-we both remember that well, I'm sure. It was so vivid, I could-you know, you remember the fireworks?" He laughed to himself before continuing. "Techno had to shoot me twice, 'cause the first one didn't kill me. It was agony for weeks, even after I respawned."

Of course Tommy remembered the weeks that followed. He remembered sitting by his friend's bed clutching his hand and whispering mumbled prayers to some nonexistent god. He remembered making healing and regeneration potions so many times, when he zoned out he would find himself brewing them again. They were always perfect, the potions were stronger than any he'd ever seen. His hands were nimble and precise and practiced.

"It was supposed to be a fun day; I had a whole speech, you remember my speech, right? I was so tired and stressed from being in Manberg, working as a spy, so I was really looking forward to it." The event was so long ago, so why did his voice break?

"I-Schlatt, he... he was so scary, he never listened to me or Quackity or anyone, he just kept on drinking-and he'd get really stubborn and angry when he was drunk, and so Quackity was always cleaning up after him. He'd scream sometimes, and he-uh, he loved throwing the bottles, too. On a slightly unrelated note, he actually was kind of a psychopath."

Tubbo steered the conversation away from his time in Manberg. "So yeah, not fun stuff."

"I didn't wanna be president." Tubbo stared down at his hands as he spoke. "But I had to do it, and my cabinet isn't exactly the greatest..."

"Ranboo, everything he did I know wasn't his fault, but he couldn't say no to anyone and so he betrayed everyone, or at least in their eyes. I just feel bad for Fundy, I think he just wanted to be accepted and so he did whatever Quackity said."

"And Quackity, he has ambition, and he had good ideas, but in the end all he wanted to do was kill Technoblade. And he created the Butcher Army, and basically swayed us all into publicly executing Technoblade. I think he wanted to protect L'manburg, but he was trying to use me as a puppet, I think. Like Dream said, Quackity was more president than I was."

Their conversation dwindled into silence after that comment. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, though, as both boys processed the new information. Suddenly, a thought came to Tommy.

"Did you regret exiling me, Tubbo?" Tommy asked. He turned to face Tubbo.

"Wh-of course I did, Tommy, it was the worst mistake I've ever made. I regretted it pretty much as soon as I did it." Tubbo played with the hem of the nearest blanket absently, fiddling with it to distract himself.

"You were so angry with me that day, I know-I've never seen you that mad before, and I was in denial. I thought you weren't being serious." Tommy chuckled weakly. "And then you turned away, and Dream started pulling me-in my mind, I was begging you to, like, take it back and shit but you just left."

"I was so lonely in exile. Ghostbur was there with me for a bit, but then he vanished after I sent him with my invites... how come you didn't show up to my party, anyway? I asked Ghostbur to hand-deliver them."

"I never got an invite, Tommy. I didn't know anything about a party, no one told me. Did anyone else show up?"

"No, Dream was the only one. I never saw Ghostbur after that, but Dream told me that he lost the invites, and he was chilling in L'manburg..."

"I never saw him in L'manburg, but he might've been there. I didn't get out of my office much during those times." Tubbo realized that after becoming president, he slept in his office more than he did in his own bed.

"Then I can probably assume that no one else got their invites, either... Dream was the only one that showed up, but I suppose he pulled the strings so it would end up that way, king of manipulation or whatever." Tommy thought about the events that transpired during his exile. "I've actually wanted to talk to someone about-uh, y'know, about what happened to me during exile."

This made Tubbo more curious; but concerned might be a better word for it. "I'm here, Tommy, I just want to sincerely apologize for everything. I know that definitely won't make up for it, but I want you to know that I'm not gonna let us get separated like that ever again."

Tommy nodded. He took a couple seconds to still his breathing since his heart was pounding. "Fuck, I'm nervous... I haven't told anyone about it, but I-back in Dream's basement thing or whatever, when we had him in the box, I told him to tell everyone ab-about what happened and he didn't say anything, you remember that? Also, uh... at our fight at the Community House, I mentioned it again then too, but I don't think anyone really cared."

Tubbo felt around for a moment before he found Tommy's hand, gently holding onto it with both of his hands as if to ground him. "I'm sure they would've cared, everyone was just angry, and..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, I guess." Tommy said as he took another breath. "Remember on the mountain, when Dream told us to blow up all our stuff and I started freaking out?"

"Yeah?" Tubbo felt a pit starting to grow in his stomach.

"Uh-I-" a pause to breathe, "He-during my time in exile he came every day, and he would make me drop all my items in a pit and he blew them up and he said that he did it so I wouldn't cause trouble but then he did that with my new tools too. He threatened to kill me if I didn't give him my stuff, and he also-he also hit me too." Tommy rushed out, all in one breath.

And then, another breath before continuing. "Did you ever visit Logstedshire? That's what I called my exile place, anyway." He paused to hear a small 'mhm' from Tubbo. "Ghostbur built a house for me there, and I built a secret basement under the house. Just so I could keep some things, so I didn't have to start over again every single day."

"But then, Dream-he found the basement, and he-he-uh, he blew the place to smithereens. He blew up all my stuff, he blew up Tnret and he broke my nether portal too because he didn't want anyone to come visit me. He said it was until I fixed my behavior, and that he'd come back once a week. Then he left."

"Before that, he was nice to me. After blowing up my items he'd help me with my projects, and during the party he let me use his trident. He also sometimes gave me armor back, as if he hadn't destroyed it all in the first place." A bitter laugh escaped the blonde's mouth.

"I thought he was my best friend. And then he left, and I-uh, I built that big tower, the really tall one, and I sat up there, and I wanted to jump off. I did actually, but I landed in water and went to Technoblade's house."

"During Christmastime, he brought me to the Nether Hub and made me wait right by the portal while he went back to L'manburg with Sapnap and some others. I-I sat by the edge-and I-I was gonna jump then, but Dream came back and took me away again-"

At this point, Tommy was almost hyperventilating, but he continued to speak. It was important that Tubbo knew. Tubbo rubbed comforting circles on his back and leaned his head on the blonde's shoulder, keeping hold of his hand with his unoccupied one. He knew that Tubbo was probably crying at this point too, as he could hear soft sniffles that weren't his own.

"I thought Technoblade would've sold me out or given me back to Dream, since Techno apparently owed him a favor for something, but there was nowhere else that was safe, and all of L'manburg wanted me gone-"

An exhale. "But-um, yeah, there's more but I think that's all I can say right now. I heard that Captain Puffy was starting a theropay office," Tubbo and Tommy both smiled at the mention of the word 'theropay', "and I think it would be helpful."

"D'you know what flavor theropay she'll have?" Tubbo asked, returning both his hand to holding Tommy's.

"I hope she has blaze powder flavor. That shit solved all my problems." Tommy laughed.

The conversation returned to silence.

Suddenly, both boys spoke up at the same time, saying each other's name before realizing they cut the other off. Tubbo let Tommy speak.

"Hey Tubbo, can we talk about the final battle for a second? It's okay if you're not up for it, big man, but I gots somethings I gotta say."

"Yeah, no, I'm good, what do you wanna say?" Tubbo asked.

"Why'd you want me to keep the disc? When Dream was threatening us when we were on top of the mountain. I was conflicted, which really is a horrible thing to admit now that I think about it, but I could never do that. I didn't do that."

Tubbo sighed. "Uhm-you'd been fighting wars for so long to get those discs back, and you were-I-you really loved them a lot, and you were always preaching about how the discs were so important, that they were worth so much and they represented our friendship and all that, but-um, you really cared for them, so, so much, and I thought that you'd be, y'know, at peace, uh, if you finally got them back..."

"I-wh-Tubbo, how could you say that?" Tommy looked at him stupidly. He just couldn't understand it. "You were willing to die if it meant I'd get the damn disc?"

"Yeah, Tommy, I was. At the end, I was talking all about how I was okay to die, because there was nothing we could do, remember that? Do you remember specifically what I said?"

Tommy could feel the words die in his throat. He remembered, how could he not when they constantly echoed in his head?

"I said, "it's about time, Tommy. It's about time.". I was-I-I was-I wanted to die, Tommy, I didn't realize it, I just felt the words falling out of my mouth, Tommy, I did-I-"

It was Tommy's turn to comfort him. Tommy was tall and long-limbed and lanky and not that great at comforting people, to be honest. He awkwardly pulled Tubbo into an embrace. It put a heavy weight on his legs and his arms were bent weirdly, but he didn't mind too much. It was uncomfortable, but neither complained.

"I-I hated myself, my self-esteem was basically zero, Tommy-the whole time in the boat ride, my hands were shaking. When Dream had me cornered, one more hit and I would've been dead for good, Tommy-I didn't defend myself, one side of me made me put my sword down and take it, the other made me shout for you, but at the end I was ready to go, Tommy..."

Tubbo was full-on sobbing at this point. "Throughout my whole time in this stupid SMP, I've been stomped on-I was pushed into impossible situations time and time again and I made the wrong choice every time, and everyone screamed at me, and I took the consequences alone-I-if Punz and the others hadn't come then, I might've taken Dream's damn axe off the wall and done it myself-"

Tommy cut him off at that moment. He held Tubbo tightly, as if he were afraid that the boy would disappear right then and there. "Don't say that ever again, Tubbo. You're not a burden, you're not a mistake, and you're worth more than two fucking pieces of plastic, Tubbo, you hear me? I love you and I'd destroy L'manburg-fuck, I'd blow this whole place, the entire SMP, to pieces if it meant you'd be okay, Tubbo." Tommy could feel hot tears streaming down his face as he spoke.

Tubbo mumbled an agreement through his tears and boy boys just waited for a moment, crying in each other's arms. They'd been child soldiers, forced into conflicts and war. They'd both tasted death twice, both times before they were even 16 years old. They'd fought and cried and killed and lost _so, so much..._

But at least they had each other. They were each other's anchor, two souls in sync with each other. Two boys, who cried in each other's arms because they needed to talk.

-{ }-{ }-{ }-

Quackity peeked through Tommy's door before stepping in. He'd knocked on the door earlier, but no one had responded, so he assumed that Tommy was out and-oh.  
Quackity's eyes fell on the blonde, who was asleep on the floor. The boy was curled up around Tubbo, their arms tangled, and the blanket laid crumpled a few inches away. The boys' chests rose and fell peacefully, a rare moment of quiet. Quackity smiled and took the blanket, flicking it out once before gently draping it over the two boys before leaving.

_They'll be okay, I think. ___

__-{ }-{ }-{ }-_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It took me close to 5 hours to write this bad baby, which was less time than I thought it would take. There was more I wanted to add, but I didn't want to make it too long.
> 
> Thank you to Icy_is_Weird and Toaster_Rat for the suggestion! If there's a prompt you want to suggest, check out my Suggestions work!
> 
> Have a great day <3


End file.
